Going Back To Basics: Decoding Primary Emotions with the FLIP Model

When we experience emotions, do we listen to what they are trying to tell us? Usually, when we experience an emotion that gives way to unpleasant feelings, we are so focused on the ‘negative’ outcome, we don’t stop to listen.

Our emotions, no matter how uncomfortable, can serve as valuable guides if we learn to tune into them and interpret their messages. This article aims to provide insight into the meaning behind our emotions.

The image above is a model given by ICHARS — Institute of Clinical Hypnosis and Other Related Sciences. It’s called the FLIP model. This model is a universal way to understand our emotions; it helps us flip our thoughts from our problems to our solutions.

Learn How to Use the FLIP Model

Introduction of the FLIP Model

This model is universal because we can use this to understand any ‘negative’ thought or situation that is bothering us, as long as it is rational. It focuses on three main aspects — the source of the thought that is bothering us, the emotion that the source evokes, and a solution to deal with the emotion.

The solution of the emotions has been derived based on what the emotion is trying to say to us. This will be explained a little later in the article. Each section of the model will be explained below.

Understand Each Source, Emotion & Solution

Source 1 — “I” am the cause of my discomfort

One source of discomfort is the self, which can occur when we put ourselves in challenging situations. If we make a mistake, we realize it and we start feeling guilty. This emotion has the power to make or break us and more often than not, it breaks us. It is a very strong emotion.

If we were to pay attention and bring ourselves to look beyond the discomfort, guilt is our body’s way of telling us that we are doing something that we are not supposed to be doing. It could also be telling us that we need to steer clear of these behaviors. It is a natural and powerful way of trying to get us to move away from something.

Logically speaking, if guilt is trying to push us away from a certain behavior, the solution to this emotion would be to learn and apply a new behavior that is more conducive and helpful for our growth.

Source 2 — “Others” are the cause of my discomfort.

The second source is other people. It applies to you if someone has done something to upset you. If others are the cause of our negative thoughts or experiences, we feel angry. Anger is also a very strong emotion and can alter our behavior and reactions in an unexpected way sometimes.

If we were to listen closely, it becomes clear that we feel angry because our expectations haven’t been fulfilled. The interesting part is, even if the source is external, we have the power within us to change that.

The solution to dealing with anger is to re-align our expectations to what the situation is and not what we want it to be.

During the pandemic, I used to feel frustrated with people who didn't wear masks. However, I eventually realized that I couldn't control others' actions, and expecting everyone to take the situation as seriously as I did was unrealistic. I changed my mindset to focus on protecting myself by taking all necessary precautions. This shift in perspective helped me to reduce my anger and let go of my frustration.

Source 3 — The situation is the cause of my discomfort.

The third source is the “situation”. It applies to you if the circumstance is not in your favor. When the cause of our issue is not ourselves or others, it brings us into a state of helplessness, because at that moment, it may seem like there is nothing to do.

Sometimes we may feel helpless and believe that we have run out of options, but in reality, there may still be other possibilities available to us. When we experience helplessness, it is our body’s way of saying we need to enhance our skills and create resources with what we have to manage the situation.

The solution for helplessness would be to work on building more resources and skills and finding ways to increase motivation when dealing with challenging situations in life.

As a child, I had a strong desire to learn how to play the guitar. I believed it would enhance my singing abilities and make me a better musician overall. Despite purchasing a few guitars and making multiple attempts to learn, I was unable to develop the necessary skills. This realization was disheartening, but I eventually decided to explore other options. After some research, I ordered a Ukulele online and was able to learn a song within four hours of receiving it. The experience taught me that the skills I had acquired from attempting to play the guitar transferred over to other instruments and helped me succeed in a different way.

Source 4 — The future is the cause of my discomfort.

The fourth source of discomfort is related to the future. It is natural to feel uneasy about the unknown and unpredictable nature of what is to come. The recent pandemic is a prime example of how unexpected events can disrupt our lives.

Here’s the secret, it’s completely normal to feel a little worried or anxious about what’s about to come. A lot of the time, this fear and anxiety make us think of so many different aspects and things that could happen, but that is just our mind’s way of trying to understand what could happen and what the possibilities are.

The way in which we deal with these uncomfortable emotions is to plan. Think of all the options and plan for all of them. Think of it like this, if we were to leave for a road trip, we wouldn’t just take the car and go. We would plan out what our destination is, how long the drive is, whether we require a place to stay the night, where we can stop to take breaks, and what food we need to pack amongst a lot of things.

In the same way, we need to plan for our future with those details. When we look at our plan, we should feel like we have covered everything we can think of. It’s tricky because even though we have a solid, fool-proof plan, there could be several points where things don’t work out the way we anticipated them to. This is also normal. It’s like going on a road trip and taking a wrong turn. If we end up taking the wrong road, do we stay there or go back home?

We find another way out to go back onto the right road to reach our destination. In the same way, if things don’t work out according to our plan, we need to have faith and confidence in our ability to find our way out.

The solution is to create a good plan and have confidence in our ability to be able to deal with the changes or disruptions that may come our way.

Now What?

Once this model makes sense completely, it becomes fairly obvious that we have a lot more control than we give ourselves credit for. It’s important to understand that the control we have is purely for ourselves, we cannot control the environment or the people around us.

Our emotions are there to guide us and help us change the narrative in our minds. These emotions can create a very unpleasant experience for sure, but it also has the power to transform us in ways we cannot fathom, only if we were to listen.

We should make a habit of cutting ourselves some slack and know that we are doing the best we can. We should listen to ourselves more often because there is no one else that knows us better. Understand why or what our body is trying to tell us. We can travel very far and grow so much by just listening.